Sunday, July 13, 2008
What do I want to do?
That is the question I keep trying to figure out every day. I get so swept up in all types of new crafts and have tried so many and yet I can not decide what I like the most. I have so many different craft supplies in my house that I literally have a craft store. You name it, I have it. So why do I keep searching for the one craft that I will love and stay focused on? I wish I could and I'm sure my hubby wishes the same. I see so many talented people who can make the most gorgeous knitted items or beautiful lampwork beads. I get hooked so fast on new things and do that until something else strikes my fancy. I want to do one thing and stop flip flopping around. I have been working with lampwork beads and I do love it but a person has to spend hours upon hours to perfect that craft. I don't have hours and hours, I have a family to take care of no time to be on a torch for 6 hours. I bought a new book the other day on ceramic clay jewelry making. It looks like fun and simple enough to do, I have made quite a few things with polymer clay so how different can this be. Well, not to much difference except the cost of a high priced kiln to fire them in. Why does every craft have to involve hundres of dollars just to produce one item. Why is crafting so important to me, I ask that everyday. I don't get it, it lives inside me, I think about things I want to make everyday but go many weeks w/out making a thing. I spend more time running around town picking up all the ingredients to make the crafts and then there they sit in the bags for weeks and never get used. What is wrong with me. You know how some people have eating disorders and eat when they are sad or something? I do that with craft supplies. I'm not sad but just trying to figure out "what I want to do" with myself. I know I am mom and wife and daughter and sister and aunt but I want to be something else besides those things. I want to be someone that has a talent. All my life I have had no talent, I'm just me. I have no unique distinct qualities to myself, I'm just me. I want to be something interesting. I have no imagination despite what my mom thinks but moms always say nice and inspiring words to their children. I can copy most things I see but I have yet to create something of my own. So, today another day I sit trying to figure out "what I want to do and who I am" besides mom, wife, daughter, sister and aunt.